So I’ve noticed an odd phenomenon that has been taking place recently in Spain and I just wanted to call it out for a hot sec. So sometimes when I talk to Spaniards here, they have a tendency to ask me “tienes una novia?”. And I always just kind of pause and look around me to make sure it was indeed I who was being asked that question instead of some other human in the near vicinity. And since I’m normally so caught off guard, I’ll just simply chuckle and say “no” and continue the conversation.
Ever since I came into my own in high school, I’ve always been universally regarded as queer. Likely an unfortunate consequence of our society’s tendency to equate gender performance with sexual orientation, my more expressive and feminine manner of self-expression have always led my peers into rightfully thinking that I was not straight. While I’ve occasionally been asked if my femininity has led to hard times, I always said “no” simply because my femininity made things a lot easier in a way. By virtue of my behavior, people always rightfully guessed my sexual orientation and so coming out was honestly something I had to only do with myself. I never really had to have the sit-downs and heart-to-hearts with people about my sexuality after my initial decision to be myself. Sidenote, I also hate the fact that coming out is a thing that queer people are expected to do regularly. Last time I checked, no straight person is running around talking about their straightness in the hopes of being accepted. So why can’t I just express my queerness and then get back to my Taco Bell? Why does it have to be such a big deal? #SoMuchProgressToBeMade #Heteronormativity #ByeFelicia. But anyways, in a sense, my femininity serves as a rebellion not only for the gender roles I’m expected to fulfill, but also the coming out process that I always rejected.
However here, the terrain is sooo different. Spain (and arguably Europe as a whole) tends to have looser norms for men regarding masculinity. So the behaviors that would immediately place me in the queer box in the states often times go unnoticed in my interactions here. Also, in Spanish, I tend to be more monotone and am very conscious about having an understandable accent. I found that when I inflect the way I do in English in Spanish, I have a hard time being understood. So occasionally, my voice can be a little deeper than what I’m used to in English. So put these factors together and the seemingly ridiculous question of “do you have a girlfriend?” suddenly makes more sense.
So now the question is “what do I say?”. Obviously, I’m not gonna lie to humans and be like “yes” because #why? But at the same time, my habitual “no” followed by no further explanation seems a bit dismissive and dishonest. I mean, if I just say I don’t have a girlfriend, then the possibility of me being straight, albeit single could still be all well and alive in the minds of those who ask me. So perhaps I should start throwing a “a las mujeres no me interesan” or a “soy gay” at the end of those “no’s”. I mean, it might be awkward for the person that asked for like three seconds, but it will establish better communication and understanding. And in this world, sometimes I won’t be able to rely on my behavior to be seen and understood as queer and I will need to “come out” to individuals for a potential variety of reasons. So, while this all seems odd now, maybe I should practice my verbal coming out skills.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if people know that I’m straight or not. However, I just want to be honest and sincere with myself and others and so this should be an interesting change from what I’m normally accustomed to. New travels bring new adventures right?
Luces y Revelaciones 